There she was on the other side of the street looking directly at me, just like I was looking right at her. The only thing separating us now were two lanes and the cars that filled the street. Every now and then it was as if they stopped coming, as if I could set my foot on the street, leave the pavement and get closer to her. Then the next car would speed along and I would reel back. Barely saving myself. Every time she would smile sadly and shake her head. As if she had already accepted our fate. But I could not, I would not accept it. There had to be a way, a way to get to her. A way to reunite with her.
The next time I looked at her it nearly took my breath away. She was standing there in her summer dress, the white one with little red flowers on it and she was wearing the straw head, the big one which nearly hid all of her ethereal face. What shocked me the most though was her face itself, where I expected to be the sad smile or a frown which she was wearing most these days, was a smile, a genuine one. The sun suddenly appeared behind her, painting everything in a warm orange. It was as if the sun had started to shine just to illuminate her. Beauty, to reflect the happiness she was showing.
Then the next car passed, the sun was gone and so was her smile. She still looked as beautiful as ever, her hair still a beautiful chocolate brown color and her eyes still as green as a summer meadow, but there was a sadness in them. A sadness I could not understand. We were so close to each other, closer than we had been in years, why was she so sad? I did not understand. She must have noticed the questions on my face, the doubts.
It broke my heart. She used to explain it all to me. No matter how stupid the question or how uneducated my guess, she would indulge in me and explain it, draw it out and help me understand. There were a lot of things I did not understand, a lot of feelings that puzzled me. She helped me make sense of every single one. In these first years she had become my greatest confidant and my rock, my safe place. Every night I had a nightmare she would hold me and every time those demons chased me even during the bright day she would cradle my face and kiss me until I forgot all about them.
Now she just shook her head. No answer to my question, my confusion. The cars passed and we stood there. Her, sad and resigned and me, confused but hopeful. After all this was my chance, there had to be a way to get to her. If just these cars would stop interrupting my journey across the street. I tried again to set one foot off the pavement and on the street, but again a passing car forced, me to retreat. The honk startling me so much I practically jumped back. It was impossible, but I had to get to her. I had not seen her in years and this was my chance. She just shook her head and the sadness in her eyes turned into something pleading, but not for me to get her and reunite with her, no, pleading for me to stay where I was.
I grew angry, did she not want me anymore? I had waited for years to see her again, I had spent years missing her. The more I grew angry, the more she seemed to change. With all the anger in me her dress changed and the sun started to come again. Breaking through the clouds. As I was about to scream out of frustration there she was as I remembered her best. There she was looking like she did on our last picnic, in the park during the summer. I could still remember how amazed she had been with the butterflies and how she had thrown her head back in order to enjoy the sun.
Suddenly all my fury disappeared. It was like I could hear the classical gentle music she loved so much. The sun turned everything into a soft orange and her hair shone like diamonds. It overcame me suddenly, I wished I could freeze the picture. Just like I had wished back in that summer. Her smile was blinding and it rivaled the sun. Instead of shaking her head this time she nodded, so small I could have imagined it but I swore it was there. She was inviting me over.
So I took a step. This time I would not let the cars stop me from seeing her again. The time had finally come. I felt a confidence I had not felt before, I could do this. Next thing I know, I took the first step onto the street with confidence and bravery.
The last thing I heard was a deafening honk and all I could think was that I would finally see her again.